"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." (Don Juan Matus as quoted by Carlos Castaneda)
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
thoughts
Someone commented on my fruit salad here http://www.flickr.com/photos/99724780@N00/367565316/
That makes me so happy...
One of my old pictures with a point & shoot Cannon.
My friend gave me a free tripod yesterday and today I received a laminated cheat sheet for my Nikon D70. It's really cool.
The whole day today at work I kept on thinking about my camera and the new lens. I'm so psyched over this whole photography thing, but I'm scared it's just temporary and like everything in my life it will pass and I'll eventually get bored with it.
It's sad, because I'm putting so much money into it, and I don't want to be bored with it a few months from now. I wish one day I'll find something interesting to do with my life that I won't give up so easily. I want to do something I really really love one day, and when I wake up in the morning it's the first thing on my mind and I can't wait to start doing it.
For a while I had this feeling with my jewelry business. It lasted for about a year and when I started being really successful and was receiving multiple orders a day I completely lost the desire to do it anymore. The orders became so repetitive and the pressure of time and customers wanting more was just too much and I started hating it. After all it was only me in that whole company and I did everything from webdesign, jewelry design, manufacturing, packaging, PR to the stupid accounting. I just had enough at one point and closed it down in the beginning of January. The website and company still exist, I just closed down the shop for now. I'm not sure if I want to continue it. I'm still rethinking, organizing my thoughts, maybe even trying to come up with a new concept.
I have finally figured out though, that I need to be doing something creative in my life. And something that will be my very own, either my own business, my own art, whatever. Working for someone else just sucks. I know now! But it pays the bills and it's secure. I know I will always get my paycheck every second week and that's very comforting. Having your own business and having to depend on it to pay your bills is risky, nervwrecking and frustrating.
So, I'll see what I'll do in the near future. For now I enjoy having a simple job and simple life. No stress, no real responsibility, ... For now it's suiting me well, but I don't know how it'll fit in a few years.
I'm thinking.
That makes me so happy...
One of my old pictures with a point & shoot Cannon.
My friend gave me a free tripod yesterday and today I received a laminated cheat sheet for my Nikon D70. It's really cool.
The whole day today at work I kept on thinking about my camera and the new lens. I'm so psyched over this whole photography thing, but I'm scared it's just temporary and like everything in my life it will pass and I'll eventually get bored with it.
It's sad, because I'm putting so much money into it, and I don't want to be bored with it a few months from now. I wish one day I'll find something interesting to do with my life that I won't give up so easily. I want to do something I really really love one day, and when I wake up in the morning it's the first thing on my mind and I can't wait to start doing it.
For a while I had this feeling with my jewelry business. It lasted for about a year and when I started being really successful and was receiving multiple orders a day I completely lost the desire to do it anymore. The orders became so repetitive and the pressure of time and customers wanting more was just too much and I started hating it. After all it was only me in that whole company and I did everything from webdesign, jewelry design, manufacturing, packaging, PR to the stupid accounting. I just had enough at one point and closed it down in the beginning of January. The website and company still exist, I just closed down the shop for now. I'm not sure if I want to continue it. I'm still rethinking, organizing my thoughts, maybe even trying to come up with a new concept.
I have finally figured out though, that I need to be doing something creative in my life. And something that will be my very own, either my own business, my own art, whatever. Working for someone else just sucks. I know now! But it pays the bills and it's secure. I know I will always get my paycheck every second week and that's very comforting. Having your own business and having to depend on it to pay your bills is risky, nervwrecking and frustrating.
So, I'll see what I'll do in the near future. For now I enjoy having a simple job and simple life. No stress, no real responsibility, ... For now it's suiting me well, but I don't know how it'll fit in a few years.
I'm thinking.
today
According to a Native American Legend
"If anyone desires a wish to come true they must first capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it. Since a butterfly can make no sound, the butterfly can not reveal the wish to anyone but the Great Spirit who hears and sees all. In gratitude for giving the beautiful butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish. So, according to legend, by making a wish and giving the butterfly its freedom, the wish will be taken to the heavens and be granted."
How nice...
----
I want this lens so bad. It's a Nikon 18-200mm VR and it's the very best one on the market at the moment retailing for about $750 to $999. It's so in demand it 's sold out everywhere online and local stores. I am so frustrated!
I spent my whole afternoon trying to buy one on the internet and couldn't find one site that has it in stock and available for shipping. Only on ebay... but I don't trust ebay sellers, they might sell a fake or not ship it to me or whatever.
So I called my local Ritz Camera store, and my friend that works there put me on a waiting list. I will be able to use his employee discount once it comes in. But that's going to be in 3 months or maybe even more. I don't know...
I tried shooting macros with my 18-70mm but it didn't go so well. I have so much more to learn.
I found a site online that has the best tutorials and photography guides http://www.kenrockwell.com/tech.htm
I've been studying it for the past two days and I love it...
"If anyone desires a wish to come true they must first capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it. Since a butterfly can make no sound, the butterfly can not reveal the wish to anyone but the Great Spirit who hears and sees all. In gratitude for giving the beautiful butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish. So, according to legend, by making a wish and giving the butterfly its freedom, the wish will be taken to the heavens and be granted."
How nice...
----
I want this lens so bad. It's a Nikon 18-200mm VR and it's the very best one on the market at the moment retailing for about $750 to $999. It's so in demand it 's sold out everywhere online and local stores. I am so frustrated!
I spent my whole afternoon trying to buy one on the internet and couldn't find one site that has it in stock and available for shipping. Only on ebay... but I don't trust ebay sellers, they might sell a fake or not ship it to me or whatever.
So I called my local Ritz Camera store, and my friend that works there put me on a waiting list. I will be able to use his employee discount once it comes in. But that's going to be in 3 months or maybe even more. I don't know...
I tried shooting macros with my 18-70mm but it didn't go so well. I have so much more to learn.
I found a site online that has the best tutorials and photography guides http://www.kenrockwell.com/tech.htm
I've been studying it for the past two days and I love it...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
The best teacher is always the student
Still decided to go take a short field trip with Nikon.
These are all from Waikiki this afternoon.
When I left my apartment I decided to get some Earl Grey tea from Starbucks. I'm burnt today and really red in the face from suntanning, so when I ordered my tea, the barista said : " A little too much sun, huh?" I felt really embarrassed so I just smiled. And then he noticed my camera and asked if I'm a photographer. I didn't know what to answer.
So many people asked me if I'm a photographer today because the Nikon looked so huge on the side of my hip. I didn't know what to say... I felt a bit embarassed, because I thought they might think I'm just showing off.
From now on I'll just say that I'm studying photography and that it's just a hobby. Once I learn more about taking pictures I'll become more confident to talk about what I'm actually trying to do.
I will learn everything I can about my Nikon and how to take the best pictures. I want to be really good! I feel so good when I take pictures. It makes me feel I have control over time, the smallest snippets of time. I frame moments, play with colors and lighting... I love it.
I wish I could let go more. Write about things I really think about, but I'm scared.
Maybe I will soon...
Here I am in Macy's, looking at Free People Clothing...
Made a tomato avocado salad when I got home, with lemon juice and sea salt.
I'll go relax and read now. So much to learn...
These are all from Waikiki this afternoon.
When I left my apartment I decided to get some Earl Grey tea from Starbucks. I'm burnt today and really red in the face from suntanning, so when I ordered my tea, the barista said : " A little too much sun, huh?" I felt really embarrassed so I just smiled. And then he noticed my camera and asked if I'm a photographer. I didn't know what to answer.
So many people asked me if I'm a photographer today because the Nikon looked so huge on the side of my hip. I didn't know what to say... I felt a bit embarassed, because I thought they might think I'm just showing off.
From now on I'll just say that I'm studying photography and that it's just a hobby. Once I learn more about taking pictures I'll become more confident to talk about what I'm actually trying to do.
I will learn everything I can about my Nikon and how to take the best pictures. I want to be really good! I feel so good when I take pictures. It makes me feel I have control over time, the smallest snippets of time. I frame moments, play with colors and lighting... I love it.
I wish I could let go more. Write about things I really think about, but I'm scared.
Maybe I will soon...
Here I am in Macy's, looking at Free People Clothing...
Made a tomato avocado salad when I got home, with lemon juice and sea salt.
I'll go relax and read now. So much to learn...
saw III
Last night I went to see Saw III at the Dollar Theatre. It was very disturbing but fun. I like to watch gross movies, they excite me. I think it's just human, everyone gets off on horror stuff. Everyone loves to watch when they drive pass a car accident on the road, people love tragedies, accidents, they love to stand in amazement of horror. They love it. They just don't admit it. As long as it's not happening to me.
What's worse is imagining it could happen to you and me... That's when the fun stops hahaha...
Maybe I'll go out now with my Nikon. It's a pretty, sunny day.
Maybe I'll just take a nap...
I feel very nappy and tired...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Magical Art
My fruit salad today.
Grapes, banana, strawberries, kiwi and cranberries with honey and cinnamon.
Walked all the way from my tanning salon to home today. My feet hurt from standing all day. I should go to the gym but don't really feel like it.
I had cooked vegetables for lunch at work today. Cooked brocolli, cauliflower, carrots and some yellow stuff... i think it was squash or something. I know it's wrong but it tasted really good and I enjoyed it.
I don't care what other people think fruitarian is, as long as I do what I feel is right for me. I feel I can eat some cooked vegetables as long as it is not other cooked food. SAD and stuff like that. I don't see any harm in cooked vegetables. Yes, I know I'm not getting as many nutrients as I could by eating raw, but I don't care.
I want to feel good, euphoric, in tune with myself and nature. And I want to be healthy. That's my ultimate goal. Healthy, beautiful and young. I don't want to show my age when I'm older. I still want to look like 25 when I'm 35. That would be great!
I can't go out with my Nikon today, as it's raining and really gloomy. I'll try to stay inside, read a good book and play with my new camera.
I want to read my manual and find some great tips online about macro shooting. I love taking macro shots. Like the picture above. I love getting into the core of things with the lens. I think that's the beauty and the whole point of photography. To show what human eye alone can't catch or carelessly misses. Whether it's blowing up macro shots or catching rare fleeting moments.
It's art, it's magic. Pure magic!
Grapes, banana, strawberries, kiwi and cranberries with honey and cinnamon.
Walked all the way from my tanning salon to home today. My feet hurt from standing all day. I should go to the gym but don't really feel like it.
I had cooked vegetables for lunch at work today. Cooked brocolli, cauliflower, carrots and some yellow stuff... i think it was squash or something. I know it's wrong but it tasted really good and I enjoyed it.
I don't care what other people think fruitarian is, as long as I do what I feel is right for me. I feel I can eat some cooked vegetables as long as it is not other cooked food. SAD and stuff like that. I don't see any harm in cooked vegetables. Yes, I know I'm not getting as many nutrients as I could by eating raw, but I don't care.
I want to feel good, euphoric, in tune with myself and nature. And I want to be healthy. That's my ultimate goal. Healthy, beautiful and young. I don't want to show my age when I'm older. I still want to look like 25 when I'm 35. That would be great!
I can't go out with my Nikon today, as it's raining and really gloomy. I'll try to stay inside, read a good book and play with my new camera.
I want to read my manual and find some great tips online about macro shooting. I love taking macro shots. Like the picture above. I love getting into the core of things with the lens. I think that's the beauty and the whole point of photography. To show what human eye alone can't catch or carelessly misses. Whether it's blowing up macro shots or catching rare fleeting moments.
It's art, it's magic. Pure magic!
Monday, January 22, 2007
Before I go to bed
I had a tomato salad with Maui onions today.
Some strawberries and an unripe peach. Didn't taste so well. But I really like the tomato salad.
Some overexposed fruit.
J gave me a really good massage under the shower a few minutes ago. Sometimes he's so good to me. I wonder if it's fair that I keep thinking of leaving him.
I am so confused. Not really sure if I want to continue being in this relationship. I'm constantly itching for something else. But at times our relationship is so comforting to me, so relaxing and nurturing. I wish I could stay, but I feel, I really do, that one day I will leave.
Tomorrow I go back to work again. We'll see who's going to be bartending. I'm embarassed to go back, beacuse I was so drunk there on Thursday night.
I also had almonds and cranberries today.
Tomorrow I'll try making something nice. A new concoction for my taste buds. I should, I spent $70 bucks at the store today!
That's me playing with my new Nikon D70S.
I'm a bit chubby...
Some strawberries and an unripe peach. Didn't taste so well. But I really like the tomato salad.
Some overexposed fruit.
J gave me a really good massage under the shower a few minutes ago. Sometimes he's so good to me. I wonder if it's fair that I keep thinking of leaving him.
I am so confused. Not really sure if I want to continue being in this relationship. I'm constantly itching for something else. But at times our relationship is so comforting to me, so relaxing and nurturing. I wish I could stay, but I feel, I really do, that one day I will leave.
Tomorrow I go back to work again. We'll see who's going to be bartending. I'm embarassed to go back, beacuse I was so drunk there on Thursday night.
I also had almonds and cranberries today.
Tomorrow I'll try making something nice. A new concoction for my taste buds. I should, I spent $70 bucks at the store today!
That's me playing with my new Nikon D70S.
I'm a bit chubby...
Got my Nikon D70s!
Such a happy day today. Got my brand new first time ever digital SLR Nikon D70s.
I'm so happy!
Here are some of the pictures from today: (Click on each to view bigger size)
I'm so happy!
Here are some of the pictures from today: (Click on each to view bigger size)
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Tension
I am feeling so frustrated today.
Everything from moving back to Europe or staying here, going back to school to wanting a Nikon D200 so badly.I'd like to take pictures again and be professional one day. Maybe take classes and start doing weddings. There's so much money in doing weddings...
I applied at Duke's on Friday and they said I could start this week. They're gonna call tomorrow. I'm not 100% sure I want it though. Maybe I should just go back to focusing on my jewlery business. I'd make more money with little effort. But I'm lazy...
I still feel I'm drunk from Friday night and it's already Sunday.I'm trying to get back into eating only fruit. It's hard but I'd really like to be fruitarian again, lose some weight and feel good about life again.Right now there's too much confusion.
I still need to do laundry tonight and clean up this shit hole I live in.I called in sick today, so I won't be coming in tomorrow morning. I still have to get a doctor's note. Lame...
I'll go eat some grapes now.
Everything from moving back to Europe or staying here, going back to school to wanting a Nikon D200 so badly.I'd like to take pictures again and be professional one day. Maybe take classes and start doing weddings. There's so much money in doing weddings...
I applied at Duke's on Friday and they said I could start this week. They're gonna call tomorrow. I'm not 100% sure I want it though. Maybe I should just go back to focusing on my jewlery business. I'd make more money with little effort. But I'm lazy...
I still feel I'm drunk from Friday night and it's already Sunday.I'm trying to get back into eating only fruit. It's hard but I'd really like to be fruitarian again, lose some weight and feel good about life again.Right now there's too much confusion.
I still need to do laundry tonight and clean up this shit hole I live in.I called in sick today, so I won't be coming in tomorrow morning. I still have to get a doctor's note. Lame...
I'll go eat some grapes now.
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